By JIM HAWKINS

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.” – Dave Barry

A child’s name is usually (but not always) the result of long and careful thought.

You may have heard the story of the woman who was expecting twins, but had a traffic accident and hit her head.When she awoke from a coma, the doctor told her that her baby girl and baby boy had been delivered in good health and that her brother had named them. “Oh no,” the mother replied, “My brother is not exactly the sharpest crayon in the box. What he did name them?”“Well, your daughter is named Deniece,” said the doctor.“That’s not so bad,” signed the mother with relief. “And what did he name my son?” The doctor paused, and answered: “Denephew.”

Here are answers to questions about Tennessee laws regarding children’s name changes.

Q.        Who has the legal right to name a child of unmarried parents?

An unmarried mother has the sole legal right to choose her child’s first name and middle name. Her child’s surname (last name) must be either the mother’s surname, the mother’s maiden name, or a combination of the two surnames – unless the father signs a sworn acknowledgement of paternity on a special state form.

Here is my solution to Venezuela’s toilet tissue crisis

By CHARLIE APPLETON

I noticed in the news the other day that Venezuelans are facing another crisis. After experiencing a shortage of milk, butter, coffee and cornmeal, they’re running out of toilet tissue.

Well, I wouldn’t want my neighbors to the South to have smelly behinds, so I tilled my mind and have come up with a solution. Here it is.

By the standards of Round Mountain, Ala., my Grandpa and Grandma White were solidly middle class. They had a “two-holer” outhouse which gave them slightly more status than their neighbors who had only “one-holers,” but slightly less standing than that blue-blooded crowd down in Collinsville with their fancy three-hole bathrooms.

On Round Mountain a lot of a person’s social status depended on the number of holes in his outhouse. If a guy from a two-hole family dared marry a girl from a one-hole family, folks would whisper that he’d married below his status.

Plumbing hadn’t been invented back then, at least not on Round Mountain at the convergence of Lookout Mountain and Sand Mountain. But Grandpa had a water-well set out in plain view under a canopy in the backyard. As a young boy visiting my grandparents in the summer, it was my job to keep the bucket next to the wash basin on the back porch filled with fresh water. A common dipper provided water for sipping and washing.

 “When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his first name was Always.” ~Rita Rudner, American comedienne  

By JIM HAWKINS 

Tennessee has special laws that control name changes for adults and children. In Tennessee, an adult can only have his or her name changed by marriage, by divorce, or by court order.

Here are answers to some common questions regarding Tennessee law and adult name changes.

Q.        Does a married woman have to change her name?

No.When a woman marries, she may take the surname (last name) of her husband or she may keep her existing surname, whichever she chooses. Sometimes a married couple uses a hyphenated name to reflect both surnames.

Either name that the married person selects and uses automatically will become that person’s legal surname. It is important to update Social Security and driver license records following marriage if a different name is chosen.

By JEANNIE GREGORY
State Farm

The average U.S. worker will hold up to 11 jobs between the ages of 18 and 44, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Some of those past jobs probably came with a 401(k) or an IRA account as a perk. According to a recent study, more than 50 percent of American workers have two or more retirement accounts.

Why consolidate your accounts?

Say you have $3,000 sitting in one retirement savings account, $4,000 in another, and $2,000 in a third. They may be costing you money, because most funds charge annual fees for accounts containing less than $5,000. And once you reach age 70½, you will have to start taking money out of those accounts.

Who wants to keep track of all that IRS paperwork?

Is there a better option?